Once you have met the woman of your dreams, you ask her to be your wife. You are excited about your future plans and you can't wait to bring her home.

Unfortunately you have some unfinished business to take care of. You remember all the women you were courting? Well, you have to tell them that you made your decision and that they are Runner-up to Miss America.

Yes. The absolutely worst part of your trip has arrived. The excitement of meeting the woman of your dreams has been sobered a little by your responsibility to tell the other women of your decision.

Unless you are a masochist or have zero empathy, you will feel horrible about this. Do you remember what its like to break up with a girlfriend? Well, think about breaking up with a number of women at the same time. Ouch.

You don't need to contact all two hundred women at the social that you went to. Probably most of them have survived the blow of your not calling them right after the social.

But if you dated a number of women fairly seriously, you definitely have to deliver the news to them. It's the right thing to do.

The best way to deliver your message is in person, but if that's not possible, by telephone.

You probably remember receiving a "Dear John" letter in your life. It didn't feel very good, did it?

There is no good way to do this, but there are plenty of bad ways. One is to take the coward's way out and just don't call or tell them.

The other is a general announcement issued like a proclamation. Worse than a "Dear John" letter is one addressed "To Whom It May Concern."

How would you feel if you got the bad news delivered by post card that had the news written on it so that everyone could read it.

How would you feel if you received a photocopy of a typed pro forma "Dear John" letter with your name written in next to the salutation, "Dear __________."

What a personal touch!

Yes, I have heard of cretins doing this and worse.

Another less than satisfactory method is to tell the marriage agency personnel to deliver the message for you. This is almost as bad as "To Whom It May Concern."

Sometimes it is difficult to handle these situations properly. For one, you usually have limited time while traveling and don't have the time to handle all the situations in the ideal manner you would like.

But make the effort to deliver the message the best way you can, as painful as it may be. It's part of your responsibility in this process. You don't get to dance all night without paying the fiddler.

The bottom line is 'do unto others as you would have others do unto you.' The Golden Rule.